Hi Everyone!
So I have been thinking a lot over the past few months about responsibilities and what's expected of me from different people in my life. At the moment, I feel a bit distant from myself and I think its caused by feeling confused and pressured by what's expected of me and how I'm supposed to fulfil those expectations.
Anxiety isn't something that you ever expect to have, especially when you're the confident girl that I was. I'm not writing this now trying to be one the typical bloggers who follow in the foot steps of Zoella (one of my biggest inspirations in more ways than one) and start blogging about their anxiety. However, it is needed to explain why I had my magic little epiphany.
My panic attacks started to happen when....
- I felt pressured
- I felt the most alone that I have EVER felt in my life
This left me feeling so hopeless and lost. I felt like I didn't have a place in the world. I dropped out of the course I was doing because of panic attacks. No one that is close to me has ever been through them themselves so even though everyone was supportive, and their support helped me greatly, I did feel as though no one really understood fully.
The past two months have been more than hard. I don't really trust anyone that's close to me because every time I begin to I start panicking and thinking 'why would they care about me? I'm not who I should be' . A reflective bus drive not long ago made me sit back and think though.. Why are we all so desperate to fit some sort of invisible mould? Who invented this mould and why do we all think its so important? I know you're probably saying 'The flipping media' at your screens now... or maybe just society in general but I just wanted to put out a little motto that I've been using over the past few days...
I know that we all have to show concern for what happens in our life. Whether we get a job, a good education, find love. But honestly (some may not agree with this opinion) but I think most of us, the majority of the time, care too much. I think we try to hard to looking for things to happen rather than just enjoying the flow that life brings ( HOW HIPPY DID THAT SOUND LOL?!). So my motto is when you feel like you care too much then just care less... If you have a big exam and the nerves are getting the better of you? Care less (you will do better while not freaking out - trust me!) You feel like your not skinny enough? Care less... You feel like you don't know your path yet? Care flipping less my darling! Thats what i'm doing right now and I feel better already like a weights gone off my shoulders! I even have a top that says it and I have vowed to wear it on stressful days :) Just remember you are you and you don't need to be anything but that
Lots of love,
Tanya
xxx
